The Expendables 2

It's not less that a good old classic. A group of retirees travel to digitally modified Bulgaria, alternating game maps that reflect the nostalgic-archetypal touch of the genre, and here and there we have deus ex machina, greeted by a volley of insider jokes. The banality of the plot as well as the parody touch of space and characters add post-modern qualities to it, while Simon West also adds clear personal qualities and a solid tempo. Fortunately, Stallone already understood that some seriousness or "realistic" motivation had no place here - nostalgics wanted their messages and more winks. Blunt warrior macho sentiment still abounds, but this time it's filler between great comedic performances and cutting action with much better timing than in the first film. Although it is again "only" an action encyclopedia, this time it is richly illustrated and has even more bloated references to the mythology of the wheezy grandfathers. I had a great time. (2012-08-27)

A bad joke. I didn’t expect to like Expendables II very much, I’m not the target audience of the genre of soulless, old-fashioned action films after all, but that I wouldn’t like it even as a well made, undemanding pop-corn flick, was a surprise, especially after the very positive responses. The biggest problem is in the action. To begin with, there’s very little of it, and it’s not even good. Many people praise the fact that this time the camera is not epileptic and the editing is not like a video clip, but instead of that we have long clear shots, when the whole lot is actually not clear at all. West works clumsily with the space, it’s not clear who is escaping whence and whither, who is following whom and where they are shooting at… All the action (with the exception of the opening scene, where this doesn’t fully apply) is basically a tiring montage of someone running and shooting, without any dynamics that would pull the viewer into the plot. And the script, if we can call it that, it’s awful. I know that only an idiot could expect sophistication from a film like this, but this is already too much! The characters move without any concept somewhere in the huge expanses of the former Soviet Union, they amusingly run into each other, and when the heroes are in deep trouble, SOMEONE comes, saves everyone, and then leaves. And they frame it with crap like “Jeez, thanks for stopping by”. Like, what the fuck? There are only about six good jokes and one-liners, and half of them are directed at Lundgren. Expendables II is a product with a short shelf-life (this certainly won’t be a cult movie) that gets good reviews from the fanboys thanks to the same model that makes teenage girls wet with Twilight and Potter-fans love the last Potter films – they can watch their favourite stars doing something on the screen, regardless of what, how and why it’s done. But that’s not enough to make a good film, quite the opposite, actually. Two stars, and I don’t even know what for, maybe for the professional look and the nice dose of light-heartedness here and there. Otherwise, crap. (2012-09-08)

I understand the general enthusiasm because seeing all those legends together has a unique feeling. Unfortunately, when I take into account that a film has qualities and attributes other than the cast and the chemistry between the actors (which would exist even if they just looked at each other), it is a failure overall. Simon West seems to have forgotten what a quality action film should be like. I'll overlook the terrible television picture quality (retro and all) and the locations somewhere between Romania and Bulgaria (hello Van Damme and Seagal). If The Expendables had action as good as Con Air had 15 years ago, I would be thrilled, but unfortunately, it’s not even half as good. The editing very confusing, nobody knows who is shooting whom, there are several repeated shots within a few minutes, and woefully confusing fights, except for the last one. I wouldn't expect a purely action film to have its biggest weakness precisely in the action. Stallone is still a cool and the lines and jokes are fine, but I would rather watch three of each guy's best films and not have to look at such a mess. (2012-09-17)

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, I finally made it to the theater—and it was absolutely worth it. The Expendables 2 is one of those rare action movies that comes around once in a lifetime... well, now twice, but this time with an even more stacked cast. For any fan of old-school action films, seeing this lineup is pure magic. There are no words to capture the excitement. I haven’t been this hyped for a movie in ages, and it didn’t disappoint. Growing up, I spent Saturday nights glued to action films on TV, which gave me a lifelong love for Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, and yes, even Chuck Norris! Later on, I became a fan of Stallone, Lundgren, Statham, and Jet Li. Watching all of them together in one film was nothing short of a dream come true. Each character oozes charm, the one-liners are non-stop, and seeing Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger poke fun at themselves was a highlight. The action is top-notch, and the story? Simple, but perfectly fitting for this kind of film. What more could an action fan ask for? Honestly, if you grew up loving these legends, the plot is the last thing you care about. It’s all about the nostalgia, the personalities, and the sheer fun of it all. Some people might not get that (looking at you, critics who think every film needs a deep story), but for me, this was a huge experience. One of my childhood dreams came true, and that counts for a lot. Oh, and Jean-Claude Van Damme absolutely crushed it as the villain. His performance was awesome, and that final fight? Instant classic. (2012-09-19)

“My shoe is bigger than this car!” Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Ed Wood of Hollywood actors. Hardly any film this year will bring me more delight and a bigger testosterone rush than The Expendables 2, an inane B-movie with cheap digital effects and great catchphrases and genre references. And the fact that the best actor playing the movie’s best character is Jean-Claude Van Damme will go down in history. (2012-11-04)